daughters

i'm a fountain of blood, in the shape of a girl...

with so much time on my hands, i've been brooding about a lot of things. i just don't understand why "we" have such little faith in our girls? our sisters? our women? when i say "we" it encompasses different groups: our ummah, our families, men, women, american society, hell pretty much every society. there is this over-arching lack of faith and undermining of women (and their potential) in every society that is exemplified differently and at various levels. here, women are payed less then their male counterparts in the work force. women, be it literally or their image, are also used, manipulated, and sold in various ways all for the sake of making a buck. in saudi, women cannot be trusted with automobiles. and have no choice in how they choose to exercise their hijab, which successfully renders them "invisible" in the public sphere. i could go on and on, there are way too many examples to list here.

on a personal level, i've been getting more and more frustrated because i feel like those closest to me, my family, have a messed up perception about me and my capabilities because i'm female. while this is nothing new, its a pain in the ass to be around. my immediate family has never been a problem. on the contrary, i know i come from a line of strong women. both my mother and maternal grandmother were very strong women. i explained to my mom that i would call them both feminists (not of the burning-your-bra-growing-your-pit-hair-steinem ilk) but they definitely have always been feminists for their time and era. and it makes me immensely proud. though i'd never want to endure what they had to, it obviously made them to be strong women, and three generations later, that strength is still in their progeny.

its my extended family and other folks who give this impression that i'm weak. and not just me, just about any female. sometimes i've heard it very blatantly: "girls are just not as smart as guys, so what's the point with so much education?" thankfully, i haven't heard this so much and i understand its a very old school, motherland way of looking at things. but does it make it right? hell no. other times though, there are subtle things that imply that girls, young women, just don't know anything about the world, or how to think or make decisions.

as i am of "marriageable age" the topic comes up often. on several occasions though, whether it be about a particular guy or an issue (like to marry a FOB or not) i've heard many people tell my mom "oh just talk to her, make her understand." or "she's just a girl, she doesn't understand, once you explain, she'll change her mind." excuse you? but since when have i been a wishy-washy, flaky, can't-think-for-herself girl? i never was. so either we obviously haven't met, or you just don't know me and view me the same way you view other women my age. and who are you to assume that i don't know what i want? yes, i do understand that the older generations feel the need to advise the younger folks about life, but its a whole other thing to assume we don't know how to think. that we haven't thought about our decisions and what we want for our lives at all. so with one intense conversation, we'll "understand" (read= agree with you).

it really goes beyond all of this. why do we in our families and societies put such little faith in our women? or send repeated messages (however subtle) that we're not as smart, not as strong, etc. again, it varies from family to family (nor am i saying everyone is like this) but there is definitely an idea that girls are to stay close to home until they are married off. or expectations of what they may do career-wise are lower and just flat out not as important. there is a general notion that there is a "responsibility" over women, first within her family and then later with her husband and the family she marries into. so when is a woman responsible over herself, for herself? shouldn't she always have that?

shouldn't we raise our girls to be strong? in fact, i do believe women are stronger than men. (i'll save that for another entry, but i'm not saying they are better, just stronger) shouldnt they believe they can do anything? that their future is limitless, not bound by expectations (but their own). they should talk, carry themselves, and express themselves knowing they embody strength, the torchbearers of everything in this world. they are our teachers, our future, our past, and our conduits of nearly every aspect of society. if we all believed in this and expressed it, nurtured it in our families, our masjids, our schools, our offices how different would the world be? i understand the sociological reasons that explain this; yet i still, on a philosophical level, can't wrap my head around it. are we afraid? on one level i'd say yes. why would those who have privelege, power, or are "the norm" want to change the system? or how they view the other?

all i know is that i pray and hope (inshallah) to one day bring another girl into this dunya. i will give her my brown skin, my iman, my courage, my sparkling wit, my wisdom, and all my strength. i will raise her to be a soldado against the gales of doubt, haterism, and injustice. she'll be exponentially stronger than me and her foremothers, by necessity.

and she won't take shit, just like her mama.